Posted on 30/12 22:47
This was a sharp turn into hope for me. My letter on Lifetime had generated a few responses; in fact, I had grown to depend on messages from this board for months. But this new one, dated August 29 (not read by me til 9/1) was one that stood out. The young woman’s name was Alexis, aka Alex or Erika (her middle name), and her story was like mine, only in reverse. She was the subject of a crush by her bestfriend–and was trying to figure how to let her pal down easy while not losing their friendship. They had been BFs forever. She gave me advice from her side (someone not returning a crush); in return for asking me what would help me cope with unrequited love. Because that’s what it would have to be for Abby, her friend. I told her if she truly felt just friendship, she must tell her pal asap. Esp since they’d both had a couple of drinks at a party and shared a kiss. The best thing , in my opinion, would be not letting Abby think it could go deeper–that it was, in my words, blurring of boundaries. That was what I thought Lynn had done unwittingly; letting me stay close for whatever reason. Alex wrote me back 3 days later and said she’d talked with her friend and it helped. They would still be friends; in fact, her BF was to be her maid of honor at her impending wedding. I was so happy to hear that, and envious too; I wished I could’ve practiced what I’d preached. But of course it’s easier to assess things when your emotions aren’t running amok.
After a few more exchanges in the next two weeks, Alex invited me to start messaging her on Yahoo. Her handle was pink-n-sweet girly; mine was teribauer035 ( so named for my fave ’24’ character and age in 2002. Teri is also a nick for my full name, Theresa, so I started using that on occasion in ‘real life’). She was a Boston ad executive, 26 years old, and on assignment in the Philippines–which meant I had to be up really late to catch her! She was sweet to me, but also laid down the law when she felt she had to, very no-nonsense. We exchanged pictures online in October. I’d already had a couple chat buddies on Lifetime, and she was a most welcome addition. Though I was guarded, of course, I felt she was a release for me and looked for her to chat with more than the others. It was such a needed scene for me. I knew ‘Alex C’ might not be her real name, but she was being a real ‘buddy’, and I needed that now. Lynn was still much on my mind; Alex became, along with Yolanda, Bobbie & my counselor, a good sounding board. On occasion the feelings would rise like a tide, and they needed to flow.
I was still bouncing like a beach ball, still missing my job & Lynn, but at least now I had better places to land. I wasn’t as depressed as I”d been.
Bi for now.