This season, Veronica was joined by another girl (we'll call her Jessica), at least as cute but she just seemed more approachable, so i thought i would make more of an effort if i could, plus with the two of them i could talk to both, less awkward. She is also very young though, and i know that going in, so it's part of my hesitation. One day i happened to pass by them at a ramp so i just asked "so are you guys like food runners or something?" They were both very nice and we had a quick chat. Sweet! Jessica is one of those "smiley happy" girls but that could be a defense mechanism? Noting this is the same type of girl i got crushes on late in high school - i was drawn to the smiley sophomores who had just gotten there and were happy just having fun and being unattached. Why do i pick people who aren't interested? I have also been interested in and dated girls older than me (which we will address briefly in a final analysis) so don't get the wrong idea! I don't discriminate based on what age the person who won't like me is.Â ?Â
Something important we all have to watch is, when someone is nice to us we can take it the wrong way. We have to notice if they are just as nice to everyone else, and maybe they are simply a friendly, outgoing person, or people-pleaser, so don't take it personally. I have been fooled many times.
I FALL IN LOVE?
It must have been during a following game i passed by them on the top level, and i decided i was just gonna play it cool, and not try and be "cute" or talk to them, especially knowing my past and the crush issue i didn't wanna go there. But Jessica looked right at me with a big smile, so i looked back as she passed and she was looking back at me still smiling. Every time i saw them or her in the next few games it was the same, i would look back and she'd be looking back and smiling at me. There were even several times when it seemed like she dropped what she was doing real quick to walk a bit with me where i was going. Was i imagining that?
As time passed i had small quick chances to ask an innocent question here and there. When i asked her name she told me she'd shake my hand but..., and i joked "you don't know where they've been" but she was like "no it's just because of the gloves." This made me think maybe she doesn't like jokes and stupid lines as much as she likes genuine straightforwardness. I love that. When i asked her how long she had been working there she says since the end of May, since the "last days of May." Does she know that's the name of a song by Blue Oyster Cult? How does she know that? Why else would she say it that way?
It was beyond that; like everything she said seemed so right on, she seems smart and aware, she is like magic or something! And it feels like she is "leaning towards me," like when people tilt their heads, which is a good sign but can also just mean "people pleasing." All those stupid lines dudes try about heaven missing angels came to mind, but i refuse to use them seriously. ? Every time i think about her, including now, and ask God about it, my heart just melts into a puddle and it seems right with God.
Almost the weirdest thing is, i had seen her for several games and events before i realized i hadn't even checked out her body! (I hope that's not iffy to bring up, but iffy would be checking her out first or right away.) And so rare, i would usually at least look, but i was so intent on her, the person, that besides noticing she was so beautiful, i hadn't even looked any farther. This is another piece of evidence i used to tell myself this is unique and real love.
If she read this now, would she recoil in horror, "dude, you were thinking about this way too much!" or would she think it was cute that i noticed and liked her? Or i'm afraid maybe: "Why does this older guy like me?"
Sometimes in general in the "investigation and flirting process" if a person doesn't really talk to you it could be because:
1) they really like you so they are nervous or don't know what to say, or
2) they hate your guts and don't ever want to talk to you again.
These extremes can be very confusing.
But she did talk to me and gave me chances (it seemed). I decided i would try to get some outside contact info for her, something simple like asking if i could friend her on Facebook. This is partly because i don't really like that job and i'm always looking for a new one, so i'm never sure when it will be too late, or even how many chances i'll have to talk to her while we're both there. What if she leaves? If i get a day job i could still work events, but that is tough and i also don't want this to drag out, i have to find out something soon or i'll think about it too much and become even more awkward!
I have found out it is key for me to ask questions about boyfriends and such as early as i can so that doesn't happen. But to do that shows interest and aren't we not supposed to show too much interest too fast? Partly if it's "no" i don't want to know because the fun is over, which goes with the torture i guess. ? I trap myself in these situations, and here i'm under time constraints as well.
NEXT UP: Part 3, It Gets Weird