Labels Belong on BottlesâŠ. Not People!
This is a touchy subject because ever since I can remember I was labeled from stupid, idiot, loco/crazy and more to fag, queer and a lot of derogatoryÂ names. So, this is a bit touchy since I havenât talked too much about it. Please bear with me in this post as it might actually get a little risky and personal.
Young and Alone
I was adopted at birth basically and never knew who my real parents are until this coming FridayÂ when I start my official search. I knew at a very young age, that something wasnât right or that I didnât fit in. I didnât look like anyone in the family and that made me think. Sometimes as a kid, I did overthink things only because I wanted answers but couldnât find the way to ask the questions. So as time went on, I started to get bullied in school as kids would call me Fagget, Queer, HomosexualâŠ. I mean, back then, kids were really mean and their parents didnât do crap about it, just like today.
Once I started in the higher grades like 7th through 9th, it almost stopped but it didnât really help anything. Kids in band and choir and orchestra really stood up for me, as I was the new kid on the block. They helped me spell because of my dyslexia, helped me understand what the questions were asking because of my ADHDâŠ I mean, I had a great group of people around me, until I went to 2 smaller schools where kids were free to make fun of other because of they disabilities.
I was so alone, that I tried to end it all my Junior year of High Shcool. I tried to give myself a concussion, Â tried to OD on painkillers and so much more. It was like all the things that happened to me as a kid were pushed to the back of my mind until people started back up with it again. That was the worst time in my life, just one of them.
Young Adult who Mingled
By the time I was 17, I was already mingling with guys, gay men actually and it was like it felt good to me. I knew who I was and was proud of it. I was still alone, went through a lot of depression in my younger years but thatâs not what caused most of my issues. It was guys who played games with me mentally or in todayâs world, psychologically. I know that sounds weird but it is so true. I was with my first ex for about 2 years, close to the end of the relationship it wasnât all that grand and in fact, we drifted apart from each other. After that, my relationships last between 3-9 months. That says a lot right there and with some of the issues I was working through, none of the guys wanted to help me. They were there just to get the booty or my junk which I quickly blocked that crap!
Older Adult without Labels
Today, if you ask me who I am, I will tell you thisâŠ. I am Matt. Matt is a gay man, gay uncle, cousin, nephew, brother, son, best friend and free therapy. I donât label myself as homosexual, gay, queer, twink, bear or anything. I am simply, Matt who is living is life and working on bettering himself through education and work. So if someone ever asks you who you are tell them thisâŠ I have no labels, I am Matt (or your name) and give them a list of things you are good at or what part of the family you are, your name is the ONLY label that should be there.